Families who participate in youth sports manage a variety of tasks and emotions throughout any given season. Along with the peaks there are certainly valleys. The valley discussed in this essay is the valley of EXPECTATION ON RESULTS.
Let’s begin by understanding that we all want to win and we all want to see our children win. The want to win and the know how to win are different just as the know how and the effort to prepare to win are very different.
Adults feel what they expect - should be - but expectations and reality are relative – meaning expectations in a situation that you have control can be close to reality, whereas expectations in a situation with very little control rarely equates. In youth team sports, each individual has very little control over results, therefore expectations on results cannot help a child or a team reach a high level of competition. For example, the average shooting percentage (goals scored relative to number of shots taken) for the top 10 shooters in NCAA Division I Men’s Lacrosse in the 2016 season was 50%. That means for every 10 shots taken, he scored 5 and missed 5. So if the average in D1 lacrosse score 5 out of every 10 shots, why do kids expect themselves to score every shot? And, why does missing a shot elicit such a strong emotional response? The answer is simple – expectations on results. Expectations on results create self-doubt. Self-doubt minimizes reaction time. Minimized reaction time means no matter what you expect of yourself, the chances of getting desired results are minimal at best.
I’ve compiled a list of expectations that are healthy and constructive because they are expectations on the process, not the demoralizing and destructive expectations on results. This version of the list is meant to be used as a guideline for parents and athletes alike to point their philosophical mentality in the right direction so the athlete and the parent can enjoy the journey.
You’re Expected To…
1) Believe in yourself
2) Find an activity that you enjoy so much that you’re willing to suffer in order to excel – Find a passion
3) Discipline yourself in a routine that expedites improvement
4) give RESPECT. give INSPIRATION. give SUPPORT.
5) Show Up!
6) Compete with max. energy, effort and enthusiasm.
7) Honor your commitments – PERIOD
8) Understand anything worthwhile in life will be challenging
9) Prioritize preparation
10) Not be perfect and more importantly, don’t think you can be perfect
11) Allow yourself the freedom to make mistakes
12) Turn negatives into positives
13) Embrace uncomfortable situations – recognize the difference between discomfort and pain
14) Never respond too high to good things and never too low to bad things
15) Explore ways for improving yourself
16) Never believe that anything is owed to you BUT hard work and kindness make you deserving
17) Understand when working with people – circumstances change and they change quickly
18) Stand up for yourself. Accept what you want and reject what you want. But, know there are consequences to all decisions
19) Always be prepared to explain your decisions
20) Recognize the difference between losing and failing
Scoring, # of saves, winning awards…etc. are not on this list. If you take care of your business you might have the opportunity for one of those things to happen!